Hooking up 102 - Cut Out The BS

Hey guys.  MM is back with more lessons about hooking up.  

School is AGAIN in session.

There are many guys who have their opinion of how a hook up should function. Based on my previous story you clearly know my opinion on the subject. Now this story won’t be total jack off material but for all the guys who read and post on my buddy Breeding Jock's page they could use a dose of reality when trying to fuck with guys like us.

We’re about one thing when looking to fuck: GETTING FUCKED!!

So I’m fucking around late one night on Manhunt trolling for cock. Had a hectic day and really needed some random hung fucker to stop by, tear up and breed my ass, zip up and leave.

My normal fuck buddies were unavailable, hence needing some Manhunt support, so after bs message after bs profile I finally get a message from this bloke that looks promising. White, 6’2, 190lbs, built, hung, all breeding local police top but with two red flags.

Red Flag 1: his face is fuzzed out of the one pic he has in his profile of him in uniform. Blokes with no face usually get the ‘block/ignore’ button right after messaging me but the rest of his body shot looked good and I was fucking boned something evil and have a weakness for guys in uniform thanks to growing up a milbrat.

Red Flag 2: when called on it he says he can’t post his face because he fears of getting outed at work. I have tons of military bros and fuck buds in various branches of public service so that to me is a valid excuse but I was still like ‘pass’.

His only saving grace was that he was still on duty and near my place so he could be there in a few minutes and only had time for a wham, bam, thank you sir fuck which was all I wanted/needed.

I figure if he shows up and is butt ugly I’d slam the door in his face, boot up some porn, fuck myself raw with Mr. Reliable (9 inch dildo) and call it a night.

So give him my complete address, go clean up since I’m short on time, and wait for him to get there. Bloke shows up in full cop uniform and, surprise surprise, his face isn’t beat to hell. Man, nothing and I mean nothing turns my crank more then a guy in uniform (cept maybe the smell of beer on a guys breath AND his being in uniform. If I get that combo and the bloke is hot/hung I turn into a complete whore bttm) so I figure what the hell and show him in.

Now when hooking up I could give a flying fuck about foreplay. I don’t want nor need to kiss, fondle each other, roll around in bed hugging, 69, or shoot the shit with meaningless chit-chat.

Walk in, strip, I’ll suck you hard, then you go to town fucking and loading my hole.

So strike one is he starts running his flap. “Man this is a nice place, what’d you pay? Are these real wood floors? Sick TV!’ blah blah fucking blah. The whole time he’s doing this mind you I had already pulled my gym shorts off, cock ring is on, I’m rock hard, hole dripping from prelubeing, with a fresh bottle of poppers in hand ready to go.

I ignore the gibber gabber and watch him strip off his uniform which started out really hot. Has the huge belt that holds his gun and ammo and cuffs and all that shit, had a chest plate on, boots, the whole fucking nine and I’m just itching for this bloke to rip my ass a new one.

Chest plate comes off and I’m like, what the fuck! Blokes pic was all stacked thanks to his uniform. Out pops a nice lil belly and I’m ready to call it quits. Don’t get me wrong gents, I’ve no problem with bears and big dudes so long as they are hung and know how to fuck, so I don’t kick him out just yet and wait for his pants to drop to see if he’s really packing the 8+ thick cock he claimed to have.

Total…fucking….let down!

Dude was seriously utilizing the Internet Ruler (take your actual cock size and add two inches) when he wrote up his profile and wasn’t even hard yet.

So I start thinking, he has already taken 10+ minutes running his mouth while taking off all his cop gear so if I kick him out now I have to wait another 10 fucking minutes for him to redress and I still won’t get some cock and cum up my hole so I say fuck it, write off his below average build, running flap, and 7 inch skinny dick and jump in bed ass up ready for him to go to town.

So he climbs on and starts with the porn talk, “yeah you want this cop cock don’t you boy? Tell daddy how bad you want it!?” to which I play along, I love some verbal kink play and think maybe there’s hope for this fucker yet but at the same time I’m thinking “it’s already fucking 2AM asshole and I have a budget meeting a 8AM so lets get on with it already!”

He starts rimming my ass, and still with the porn chat, and I’m still waiting for his cock to get shoved up my dripping hole and 5 minutes go by …. 10 minutes go by and no fucking fucking has started yet.

Finally I ask if everything’s OK and he’s like “yeah yeah yeah you're so hot man I’m fucking nervous as hell and am having trouble getting hard”.

That did it.

I climb off him, cap my poppers and stand up next to my bed.

“Dude everything OK? Am I not turning you on?” he asks.

“Man, the only thing getting turned on in here are my fucking lights so you can get dressed and get the fuck out!”

He kneeled there for a minute probably not thinking he had just heard me say what I just said to him, so I repeated myself “dude, get dressed now and get out.”

That sank in and he climbed off my bed looking all confused while I walked out to my living room and poured myself a shot of Patron knowing it was going to take him a minute to get dressed.

He finally comes out, I’m standing by my wide open front door still naked (fuck my neighbors they know I’m a man whore) and he goes to leave and stops after stepping through “bro what did I do wrong?”

So I take a deep breath and explain to him as nice as I can “when you hit up a hot muscle jock bttm whose only looking for you to come over, strip, and fuck’n’load his hole, here’s some advice: all you fucking do is come over, strip and fuck’n’load his hole!! If you can’t fucking handle that, don’t bother trying to hook and buy yourself a fucking fleshlight.”

And with that I closed the door, booted up some Treasure Island Media porn, took two long pulls off my poppers and fucked myself silly for an hour before blowing my load all over myself, rolling over and passing out.

Now some guys might read this thinking I’m some cocky asshole and didn’t need to treat the guy the way I did, to which I say so fucking what?

I didn’t hit him up, he messaged and wanted to fuck me. I wasn’t ambiguous about what I wanted, I was very clear and to the point and he couldn’t handle it. And unlike some blokes out there when in this kind of situation that just ‘go with it’ rather then pumping the breaks and kicking the loser out, I’m not that nice.

My three rules when hooking up are very simple:

1.    Be clear about what you want/are looking for and don’t bs if you can’t provide it.

2.    Have a clear and RECENT (none of that college day bs) pictures if you’re trying to hook up online or a valid reason for not being able to send any.

3.    A hook up is about fucking, PERIOD! Get there and fuck and suck and blow your loads and move on.

I figure the simpler hooking up is the less bs you have to deal with and the more time you have to do what pig fuckers do best: fuck hard and swap loads.

Agree? Disagree? We’re all different so my rules are just that: mine. Take from this what you will and leave the rest but be sure to blow up the comments because I’d like to know if I’m the only mate out here who operates via a no bullshit policy.

Look for my next story soon about the best Pride/fuck weekend I’ve had in North America: Toronto Pride.

MM